She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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