i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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