During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
