she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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