I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
