Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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