Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
