I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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