I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
