the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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