well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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