Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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