no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Randomize
