Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
