Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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