You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
