Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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