I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
