Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
