I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this boner is exhausting
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
