if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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