She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
