Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
