We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
