Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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