I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
