it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
