last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
