I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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