I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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