Someone shit on the floor
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
