Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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