im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
