No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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