i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
