I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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