Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
