If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
