My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize