i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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