you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
