My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
