We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
