what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
PANTIES FOUND
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