There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
