After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
