before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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