if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
