new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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