i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
