He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
