So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
