I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
