The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
vagina is talking i cant
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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