You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize