Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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