i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
