So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
