What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
