we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
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i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
