True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
