A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
