I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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