dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
