i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
