I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
