I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
