somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
