She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
