you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
