Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
