Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
These tits shall not be calmed
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
