Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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