my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
