Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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