I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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