She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
