you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
