I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
