I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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