What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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