My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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