I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize