My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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