Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
