Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you traded sex for a burrito?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was confusing and full of hummus
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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