Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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