so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
