Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
