just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize